why I'm wary of self-diagnosis

Because if I were to believe Wikipedia's quoting of the DSM-IV, I am way too close to the characteristics of BPD for comfort.

1. Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. Note: Do not include suicidal or self-injuring behavior covered in Criterion 5
2. A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.
3. Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.
   
4. Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., promiscuous sex, eating disorders, binge eating, substance abuse, reckless driving). Note: Do not include suicidal or self-injuring behavior covered in Criterion 5
5. Recurrent suicidal behaviour, gestures, threats or self-injuring behaviour such as cutting, interfering with the healing of scars (excoriation) or picking at oneself.
6. Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days).
7. Chronic feelings of emptiness
   
8. Inappropriate anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights).
9. Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation, delusions or severe dissociative symptom
   
   I know that something is wrong with me, and I'm not supposed to be feeling the way I'm feeling. I recognize I should be happy and I'm really, quite honestly, far from happy. I get excited, I get hyper, but I don't know when I was really just content. But BPD is a serious, serious, serious mental illness that doesn't go away, it's only managed. Just because I fit more of these then I would like to doesn't mean I have it. Plus, it's not even diagnosed until an individual is at least 18, unless the symptoms have persisted for over a year in adolescents. So I'm just, just over that cut-off mark.
   
   Plus, really, me? I'm pretty sure that this is the sort of thing that if you're looking it up online, you don't have it. I'll probably look at this a week from now and feel foolish.
   
   ...I'm still scared, though.