Lots of thinking and lazing about today, which I suppose makes up for the completely academically-unproductive-but-still-busy day I had yesterday. I went to the market with some girls in my wing, we had brunch at Cora's, then I went downtown with Kat and Meredith and bought 2 dresses and a necklace and it was nice. Got a little drunk last night, talked with Jessi for a few hours and then she made me paint--which I think I'm going to talk to Kathleen about next time, because painting felt really, really good. It felt right. I haven't done it in years but I should start up again...I think I know what I'm getting myself when I reach 30 gold-star days.

I think the dinner party idea that I had initially needs to be scrapped anyway, things with Fin are volatile and I don't really know what I'm doing but he's not on my facebook friends anymore and I don't think he's noticed yet. I'm tired of bending over backwards and worrying that I'm doing something wrong or that I'm out of line when all I want is my friend back. That's really all I want: someone who calls to invite me down for the night, who will go for a walk with me at midnight just because, someone who seems to enjoy spending time with me. He gets so tense it just seems like he's not enjoying it, and I'm not enjoying it because I'm upset and collapsed on the kitchen floor or curled up on the couch and it's just messy.