wet/dry at school tonight, danced with a boy I just met in some vain attempt to forget the other one--failed miserably. kept seeing him out of the corner of my eye. Tried to go for a run, sort of fails when it's January and you're in a t-shirt and there's ice coating every flat surface. Broke down crying twice. Really, really want to snap my fingers and have this stop hurting.

I somehow ended up crying all over a girl I haven't talked to since elementary school.

Can't quite adequately get everything down that needs to get down. I just want to curl up in a ball and not wake up for a few weeks. Everything hurts. Everything. Hurts.

All of this breaking down in bathrooms and crying over boys and wanting is way too high-school--except I never did this in high school, so I suppose this is penance.

And just keep in mind for next time, I suppose: don't fuck your friends. jesus christ, future self, do not sleep with your friends.