A few weeks ago, Erika stuck a few star stickers on one of my bedposts. I was just laying back in bed a few moments ago, and noticed that said star stickers have somehow managed to transplant themselves from the bedpost onto the inside of my jacket which is hung up on the bedpost. Funny, that.
My room is cluttered, but I spent three hours outside today reading. I'm somewhat sunburnt, but it was impossible to waste such a gorgeousness cleaning.
"He said, 'Why don't you tell me some things you think you can do, things to keep in mind. And then next week we'll talk about how succesful you were.' 'I'll try to go to school.' 'Good. Really good. What else?' 'Maybe I'll try to be more patient with morons.' 'Good. And what else?' 'I don't know, maybe I'll try not to ruin things by getting so emotional.' 'Anything else?' 'I'll try to be nicer to my mom.' 'And?' 'Isn't that enough?' 'It is. It's more than enough. And now let me ask you, how do you think you're going to accomplish those things you mentioned?' 'I'm gonna bury my feelings deep inside me.' 'What do you mean, bury your feelings?' 'No matter how much I feel, I'm not going to let it out. If I have to cry, I'm gonna cry on the inside. If I have to bleed, I'll bruise. If my heart starts going crazy, I'm not gonna tell everyone in the world about it. It doesn't help anything. It just makes everyone's life worse.' 'But if you're burying your feelings deep inside you, you won't really be you, will you?' 'So?' 'Can I ask you one last question?' 'Was that it?' 'Do you think any good can come from your father's death?' 'Do I think any good can come from my father's death?' 'Yes. Do you think any good can come from your father's death?' I kicked over my chair, threw his papers across the floor, and hollered, 'No! Of course not, you fucking asshole!'
That was what I wanted to do. Instead I just shrugged my shoulders."
-- Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close, JSF
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