climb the wall to make the sun rise

I didn't want to get out of bed this morning, and I don't know why. I'm content, I'm happy, my life is full of light and sunshine and so I can't fathom why that happened. Bizarre.

Some pictorial evidence of what my life has consisted of the past few days:

Wonderfulness at work. This is Maurice Lebear.


Erika, being adorable, as always. We also painted on Sunday.
Knives Don't Have Your Back

Yesterday was my day off. I made cupcakes, I enjoyed some Craig Thompson (goddamn I love his work), and I fussed around on a canvas. It was an overcast day, everyone was at work, Erika was in day care--so I just slept in and puttered as I pleased. It made me miss the independence and space I had in Fredericton.
I also need to stop buying books. This is what happens when 1) my boyfriend is an English major and 2) I have a disposable income.

dur hur

chris says:
I don't even want you to confirm or deny either of my cockeyed theories about the doctor being in the pandorica or rory being an auton like that once with mickey.
Lisa says:
I'm just contemplating a bath.
chris says:
(had to go get bread and butter)
(but now i'm out of butter)
Lisa says:
and I need to write a leetter for my dad for father's day.
chris says:
(so now i'm sad, and just have bread)
Lisa says:
letter, rather.
awww. jam?
chris says:
a leetter, eh?
4 133773R?
Lisa says:
shuddup! D:
letter.
Because I forgot about Father's Day so I have only words to play with.
chris says:
har har nabokov
har har
Lisa says:
you know you love me.
XOXO GOSSIP GIRRRRRLLL

: I feel like this needs to be shared, if only for the total one-eighty from Nabokov to Gossip Girl.

'cause there's this switch that gets hit, and it all starts making sense

The majority of my time spent not-working is spent with Erika. Here's proof:







I'm also quite certain that Erika is a little indie lover in training. What she has picked for dancing music so far in our ventures:

Wincing the Night Away, The Shins
More Adventurous, Rilo Kiley
Under the Blacklight, Riloy Kiley
Cassadaga, Bright Eyes
Blinking Lights and Other Revelations, The Eels
The Boy with the Arab Strap, Belle & Sebastian
Logic Will Break Your Heart, The Stills

- I am continually astounded by Erika's simultaneous adorableness and learning quickly. She spelled her name a few nights ago. I was rather impressed.
- I was asked out by a 30-year-old construction worker yesterday. I chalk this up to occupational hazard.
- I had a 10 minute discussion with a Republican Catholic from Tennessee today, regarding the health care system. I came away from it feeling rather proud of myself, as he commented that I "carry [my]self well," mistaking me for 21 instead of 18. I also came away feeling rather proud of my country and the agreement we've struck to take care of one another.

Our health care system is still riddled with issues, though.

- I just spent the last 5 hours or so hanging out with Aaron. We meant to watch Criminal Minds, but then we got to talking. Get two English majors in a room together and it can be an experience--we had a conversation a few days ago about possible neologisms in Twilight. I still feel a little dirty to have said "Shakespeare" and "Stephenie Meyer" in the same sentence.

- My job is excellent. I would expand, but I'm sleepy and have a long day tomorrow.

I just felt like it was necessary to give a proper update. I've not dropped off the face of the Earth, I'm just happy. It's kind of nice.

Because sometimes, I think we need a reminder of all the adorable that's out there. :)

'cause there's a friendship, a lovely kinship

chris says:
aaahhh today was fun
and france didn't win vs uruguay
Lisa says:
don't follow soccer.
but I'm glad your day was fun.
chris says:
france not winning is wonderful
and it's the world cup
everyone follows the world cup
it's on tv all the time
Lisa says:
I don't watch tv that much.
and I've never followed the World Cup
chris says:
you're a crazy person
gtfo
Lisa says:
it's why you love me. :3
chris says:
dead to me
Lisa says:
I thought I was dead to you because I didn't know who Tom Selleck was?
chris says:
undead to me, then. you're a zombie. it's not that you don't exist, it's that you're rotting and foul and still around. get the fuck outtttt
i love you lisa =P
Lisa says:
I love you too, kid. Always have, always will. Glad we're friends. :3


If you'd ask me when I was 14 who I would still be speaking to four years down the road, I probably wouldn't have said Chris. It's funny how things turn out.

My heart is swelling up with the good things in my life, it's like I can't contain it all. Things are going well. I'm happy.

I had a conversation with Chris this morning about regret and personal growth and maturity. I spent time with my mother today, just the two of us. Aaron and I spent the afternoon and evening playing chess, reading poetry (I introduced him to Richard Siken), and generally having a lovely time. The weather was nice. I wore a dress. I like recognizing the good bits.

"I've thought myself out of happiness one million times, but never once into it."

-- Jonathan Safran Foer

Oh hey, good-feeling-that-things-will-just-work-out-and-strange-contentment...yeah, sure, see you next time. Let's hang out again soon, yeah?

On the plus side, these once-brief periods of Things Will be Good are getting longer. I was talking with my friend Aaron last night, and the whole fucked-up view of sex and intimacy and commitment I now have post-Fin, and I think it's interesting what he said: "It seems like the Fin situation almost changed bits of you for the worse. It seems like that now, for you, sex is commitment and commitment is...god-knows-what."

"Sometimes I can hear my bones straining under the weight of all the lives I'm not living." -- JSF

Letting go should not be this difficult. I barely even know what I'm doing anymore, or what I'm talking about. Part of me wants to self-destruct and bleed, get drunk as fuck, wander around uptown Saint John at 2 in the morning, not entirely sure what's going on. I feel like at least then my outside could match the inside that still creeps in sometimes.

"I feel too much. That's what's going on." "Do you think one can feel too much? Or just feel the wrong ways? "My insides don't match up with my outsides." "Do anyone's inside and outsides match up?" "I don't know. I'm only me." "Maybe that's what a person's personality is: the difference between the inside and the outside." "But it's worse for me." "I wonder if everyone thinks it's worse for him." "Probably. But it really is worse for me." -- JSF

"There were things I wanted to tell him. But I knew they would hurt him, so I buried them, and let them hurt me." -- see above

I think I need to read Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close.